Overthinking

[We’re driving out to the Valley, Jonah and I, to deliver the bit coin mining gear to the guy, I guess you’d call him a miner. A weird situation to get into but I don’t have much choice since there’s a few bucks in it and I can’t be choosy about where the bucks come from these days. He’s pissed at me for thinking too much.]

“I don’t get it,” he says. “what’s your problem? You see an opportunity and take it. You know one when you see one, right? Just do it, dude, just freaking do it.”
I say “It’s not that simple.”
“It IS that simple. You overthink things.”
“It’s not overthinking, it’s just thinking. I mean maybe what’s overthinking to you is just thinking to me.”
“See, you just did it.”
“Did what?”
“Overthought that whole thing.That’s your problem.”
“It’s not a problem, it’s what I do.”
“How’s that working working for you?” He turns away from the road for a second and holds my eyes, a slight smile smearing those rubber lips.
“I’m surviving,” I say.
“Is that enough?”
“No. That’s why I’m here. When it’s good it’s great, when it’s bad it’s fucked beyond belief.”
“For me it’s all good all the time.”
“For real? you seem kinda pissed off all the time.”
“Things bug me but I get over it. Life is good
“Sometimes when I have a grip on things, I’m confident and ideas are flowing and I see how everything fits, I just, I’m just full of wonder at life, you know? Everything makes sense.”
“Watching a fine ass move down the sidewalk – that’s wonder, that’s beauty, baby.” Now he’s got that hungry smile.

We drive. Sometimes the swish of the tires on the road, the wind on the windshield, the traffic combine into white noise like the recording of waves we used to use when we put Cooper to sleep when he was an infant. We kept using it, found Karen and I had come to depend on it to get to sleep.
“Do you think some people are born happier than others?” I ask. “I mean is it a gene thing?”
“Why not? Some people are born with 10 inch dicks. That’s just the way it rolls.”
We drive. I look out at the low rent store fronts along Magnolia Blvd. rolling by.
“Lighten up. Don’t take everything so seriously.”
“It’s not that easy. That’s who I am.”
“Change.” He says it simply, no agenda. It’s not a demand. He’s not calling my bluff or anything, just offering a solution. That’s Jonah at his best.
“Well, what about when you have problems with your wife? I mean I hear you on the phone sometimes. You seem pretty heated. Doesn’t that stress you out?”
“I get worked up, but hey, it’s just a relationship. Relationships are a part of life like work or anything else. Just something you do. Nothing to get to tripped out about.”
“What about your kids?” I ask.
“I love them, I love her. Simple as that. You can make it simple or complicated, it’s a choice, just a choice, that’s all.”
“What about the guys at work you’re dealing with?”
“Yeah, they’re a drag,” he says and takes a quick look in the rear view. “But soon I won’t have to deal with those fuckers anymore.” He laughs and peers out the side window as he slows the car to a cruise.
“We’re here,” he says.

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