Insignificance

WRITING 101 – Day 19

“Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop. No self-editing, no trash-talking, and no second guessing: just go.”

[OK, I dictated this into my iphone while driving home from a gig but spent some time cleaning it up so it’s not exactly non-stop. But close enough.]

Hollywood doesn’t make much sense anymore but I guess that’s to be
expected when you’ve been here this long it’s kind of like saying the same word
over and over and over again like Lenny Bruce saying nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga – you say it enough times, a word becomes meaningless.

After the gig tonight a girl on her way out of the club glanced my way. As she turned her head, her eyes meet mine for an instant but instead of resting there for any longer than that, there was only the few milliseconds delay while she calculated if I was worth any more than a few milliseconds of her attention and decided I wasn’t. Her head continued on its arc, she continued on her way. She’d paused only long enough to decide I was of no interest, not worth the slightest pause, flicker of longing. it’s the
shit

Just heard a radio interview with the guy who wrote Hedwig and the Angry Inch. He’s
saying that we have all been cut in half, divided, man from woman and love is an attempt to rejoin
those halves and become whole and that’s a terrible thing, he said, to think of love like
that and I’m thinking why is that so terrible? I must have missed something.
That’s love. Love is becoming whole. Love helps us fulfill our purpose and that’s enough, at least for tonight.
Love is code for Reason.

It’s 11 PM and that old Russian is walking down Beachwood
In nothing but shorts and shoes and his utility belt with water bottles hanging off it like he does everyday of the year no matter the weather. He’s walking slower these days as he’s getting on in years but still there he is right as rain.

Where are you tonight? Where are you, why am I sitting in the car alone in the driveway with the windows rolled up, the
night passing by around me, engulfing me like a black shoebox
Like the black box Schroedinger’s cat lives in or dies in or both or neither.
I played a gig tonight but it seems that mopping the floor when I get home is
more significant. That girl was in the audience singing along to the chorus when we did “What’s Goin’ On” but she still didn’t have the time of day meaning more than a few milliseconds for me.

Watching that smorgasbord show At Daryl’s Place with Daryl Hall – or is he Oates? I see Billy Gibbons playing “I Thank You”. I read on a facebook thread that he plays with super light strings – .007 on the high E string –  which is totally the opposite of what you would think since he gets such beefy
tone it’s kind of like everything you know is wrong.I’ve
struggled with playing heavy strings – .050 on the bottom and .010
on top because I’ve always thought notes have more punch and well, weight, and it’s still a struggle unless I practice for 1 1/2 hours a day for weeks and look at him so smooth and sinuous without breaking a sweat. All these years. His big epiphany came when BB King told him “You’re working too hard”.

Tony Robbins says we have 6 or 7 basic needs in life. Love, security, novelty and I forget
the rest but significance is definitely one of them. Insignificance sucks.

Sent from my iPhone

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